Purim - Upside Down Identity

Purim has been - at different times in my life - my favorite and my least favorite Jewish holiday.  Maybe it ought to be.  After all, it is the upside-down holiday - the day when what we think we know is turned on its head.  It's a day when we trade in the identity we normally wear, and try on another one, with a free pass to turn around the next day and say, "just kidding".  At its best, Purim should give us, as adults, a chance to notice that our everyday identities are, on some level, masks, and our Purim costumes have something in them that is normally hidden from our true identity.  Our kids wouldn't articulate it that way, but putting on a Purim costume for them can do the same thing.  It lets them express a piece of themselves, a secret identity they're allowed to experiment with for a day.

Purim has been called "the Jewish Halloween," and there are plenty of parallels and comparisons to be made.  We dress up in costumes, give and receive extra treats, and confront that which scares us.  But there's more to this holiday than an exclusive extra Halloween.  Below I'll summarize the story, the customs, and some creative ways to get into it as a family - both at home and out on the town.

The Story

Many of our fun Purim traditions come right from the story.  The story is one of the latest in the Tanach, the Bible, and in some ways, it's pretty unique.  It's the only book of the Bible that doesn't mention God directly.  The rabbis teach that God is hidden in the Purim story, acting only through the human heroes.  It's a farcical story, with characters that are bigger than life, exaggerated personalities, and plot twists that turn expectations on their head (or necks).  I've heard the story adapted in many ways for kids, editing out the most disturbing elements and adjusting it to modern sensibilities.  In the original, it's pretty dark.

The story starts in the city of Shushan with silly, drunk King Achashverosh.  He's King over all of Persia, 127 states, a humongous kingdom.  He throws a party for all the ministers and princes in his land.  It lasts 180 days and is followed by a week-long party for members of the royal court.  It's an extravagant party with plenty of food and even more wine.  When the king is good and drunk, he calls Queen Vashti who is having her own party to appear before Achashverosh's guests wearing (only) her crown.  The queen refuses to display her beauty to the room full of drunken men, which enrages the king.  He asks his advisers what to do, and they tell him that the queen's actions affect not only the king, but the princes too and all men everywhere.  Soon all their wives will be disobeying them.  The only option is to banish the queen and replace her with someone better.  The king considers this a fabulous idea, banishes the queen, and sends a proclamation to all ends of his kingdom in every language that every man is the master in his own house.

In the second chapter, the party is over and the king remembers what happened with Vashti.  His advisors send messengers throughout the kingdom to gather up beautiful young women so that the king can choose his new queen.  Now we meet Mordechai, who lives in Shushan with his cousin Esther, whom he's raised since she was orphaned.  Mordechai sends Esther off with the king's officers to vie for the position of queen, instructing her not to say anything about being Jewish.  Like the other women, she's kept in the palace, guarded by the king's eunuch and given a year to soak in various oils and spices before she has her turn with the king.  After their turns, the women are transferred to another eunuch who takes care of the concubines until the king thinks of them and calls them back.  Esther makes an impression on King Achashverosh and he makes her queen.  Mordechai sits at the palace gate, keeping an eye out and an ear open to hear what's going on with Esther.  While he's there, he hears a couple of guards plotting to kill the king.  He tells Esther, who tells the king and the guards are hanged. 

In chapter three, Haman, the villain, gets promoted to the highest position in the land - besides king, of course.  He goes on a power trip and decrees that everyone must bow down to him.  When he notices that Mordechai isn't bowing down, he is enraged, and decides to get retribution by petitioning the king to have all the Jews in Persia killed.  He picks a date by drawing lots (called purim in Hebrew, hence the holiday's name), gets the king on board, and drafts a proclamation which is sent to every corner of the land in every language that on the 13th of Adar the Jews may be killed and their belongings pillaged.  

In chapter four, Mordechai hears the news, puts on sack cloth and ashes and goes through the town wailing.  He's not allowed into the palace court in such disarray and when Esther sends him a messenger to convince him to change his clothes, he tells her she must go to the king and beg him to reverse the proclamation.  Esther reminds  Mordechai that anyone who goes to the king without being called is to be killed unless the king extends his scepter, and she hasn't been called in over a month.  Mordechai tells her that the Jews will be saved somehow and if she doesn't help, she and her father's house will die.  Besides, this is probably why she became queen to begin with.  Finally Esther is convinced.  She asks Mordechai to have all the Jews fast for three days and then she'll go to the king.  

In chapter five, Esther gets dressed in her royal robes and goes to see the king, who is once again taken by her beauty and extends the scepter to her.  He follows by offering to grant her any request, up to half his kingdom.  She invites him to a banquet with Haman, to which he readily agrees.  At the banquet, the king again offers Esther up to half his kingdom, and she invites him to another banquet the next day, with Haman.  Haman leaves feeling pretty awesome, but he runs into Mordechai on the way home and is filled with rage.  He kvetches about it to his friends and his wife who recommend he build a tremendous gallows for Mordechai, so that he can hang him before the next banquet and have him off his mind.  

Chapter six brings a bout of insomnia for the king who has his servants read to him from the royal chronicles and is reminded of  the time Mordechai saved his life.  He discovers that nothing was done to thank Meordechai, and decides to ask whoever is awake at this hour for advice on honoring someone the king holds in high regard.   Just then Haman is on his way to ask the king about hanging Mordechai, and when he hears that the king wants to honor someone, Haman assumes the honoree must be himself.  He advises the king to dress the person in the king's robes and have the king's minister parade him through town on the king's horse.  Soon Haman is doing this for Mordechai.  He goes home to kvetch where they barely have time to tell him he's got no chance of winning against Mordechai the Jew before Haman is rushed off to the next banquet.

In chapter 7 the king and Haman dine with Esther again.  This time, when the king offers her anything she wants, she asks for her life and the lives of her people, because there is a plot against them.  The king, shocked, asks who would do such a thing, and when Esther points the finger at Haman, the king leaves in a rage.  When he returns he finds Haman in a compromising position begging Esther for forgiveness and is further enraged.  One of the servants points out the gallows Haman had built for Mordechai and the king orders Haman hanged on it.  

In chapters eight, nine, and ten, Mordechai and Esther ask the king to take back Haman's decree, which, it turns out, is impossible.  But he does let them send out another proclamation permitting the Jews to defend themselves and more letters are sent all over the kingdom.  The big day comes and the Jews fight back, and win.   They kill lots of enemies, and hang Haman's ten sons. Mordechai becomes a big shot and lots of people decide to become Jewish.  They celebrate and establish Purim as a holiday of feasting, joy, and sending treat to friends and gifts to the poor.

And that - more or less - is the whole megilah. 

Traditional Customs

In a lot of ways, Purim is different than most holidays.  There's a festive meal, but not the usual table ritual.  There are a lot more things "to do" than "not to do" on this holiday and most of it is focused on fun.    There are four official mitzvot of Purim and the trick for remembering them is that they all start with the Hebrew letter "mem".  There's Megilah - reading and hearing the Purim story, Mishloach Manot - sending treats to friends, Matanot L'evyonim - giving to the poor, and Mishteh - feasting.  Read on, and we'll discuss these four plus one more.  

Costumes

The best-known Purim custom may be dressing up in costume.  As I already said it gives you a chance to try on a new identity, get out of your routine and into the spirit of topsy-turvy fun.  There are no hard and fast rules about what you can dress up as for Purim.  These days, you tend to see a lot of princesses and super-heroes among the kids.  It's traditional to dress as one of the characters from the Purim story, but really anything will do.  It can be fun to have a family theme.  Some years we've each dressed as different characters from the Purim story.  One year most of us were kangaroos.  Another year we did a curious George theme.  One of my most powerful childhood memories was seeing my Dad transformed each year into either a new variation on Queen Esther or a figure who was making headlines at the time.  Over the years, he was everyone from Yasser Arafat to Barbara Bush to Tonya Harding.  (That year I was Nancy Kerrigan and my brother played the boyfriend with the hammer.)  There's no better way to get your kids excited about the holiday fun than getting into it yourself.  This year, there's a good chance our family will be doing some clowning around.  But somewhere down the line, I'm sure I'll be dressing up as Queen Vashti to make sure the kids know she's a Purim hero too.  Why not take Purim as an opportunity to teach your kids, through your costume, who you think is a hero or a villain this year?

Megilah - The Purim Story

OK, so you've got costumes, at least for the kids and maybe for you too.  Great!  Now to find someplace to wear them.  The prime place to go and thing to do on Purim is a megilah reading.  At a megillah reading, there may be a (pretty short) prayer service and the megilah is read in Hebrew, English, or some combination of the two.  When the name "Haman" is mentioned everyone drowns it out with noisemakers, called graggers or ra'ashanim.  As you can probably tell from the "summary" above and the phrase "the whole megilah", the megilah is long.   Many synagogues have shortened, partially translated family-friendly megilah readings that might go over better with the kids.  It's a good idea to know which variety of megilah reading you're going to before you walk in.  At a more traditional kind of reading you're likely to find that, though the mood is light and friendly, people keep relatively quiet except when Haman's name is mentioned.  If your kids will have a hard time keeping quiet you might do better with a family reading.  On the other hand, sensitive kids sometimes do better with a quieter reading if they'll be overwhelmed by the noise that can develop at a family reading.  

Either way, I discovered a few years into the parenting game that Purim, like a wedding or Bar Mitzvah, is an occasion to be prepared with child-sized earplugs.  The baby will get them before the first "Haman" is read, and the four and six-year-olds will have the option whenever they want.  Purim has gotten to be lots more fun, and we've heard a lot more of the megilah, since we started bringing earplugs.  

Mishloach Manot - Treats for friends

Another nice Purim tradition is giving mishloach manot to friends.  It's mentioned right in the megilah.  To do the mitzvah to the letter of the law, you need to give at least two things each to at least two friends.  Some people create elaborate baskets; others choose just a few treats.  I've seen mishloach manot with clever themes.  It can start to feel like a last hurrah of eating carbs and sweets before we start getting ready for Passover and getting all the extra leavened and processed grain products out of the house.  

Of course, the iconic mishloach manot treats are hamentashen or ozney haman in Hebrew.  Delicious three-cornered cookies filled with all sorts of yummy things may be what kids look forward to most on Purim.  I'll talk more about them later on in this post.  

One small note here on the comparison people sometimes make between Purim and Halloween.  There's a parallel to be drawn between trick-or-treating and mishloach manot.  Both result in eating lots of yummy junk food.  But the path to eating junk food is different.  Instead of knocking on doors asking for candy, mishloach manot starts with thinking about others - thinking about your friends and doing something nice for them.  

Matanot L'evyonim - gifts to poor people

Another tradition that starts with thinking of others is matanot l'evyonim, gifts to poor people.  The story of Purim, and the customs of Purim bring up themes of extravagance, plenty, and excess.  King Achashverosh loves big parties, lots of food and wine, and lots of women at his disposal.  Haman sees the Jews as a dispensable people.  Our celebrations, costumes, and gift-giving to friends can feel very rich and full.  But we're reminded to remember those in need.  

What a great opportunity to sit down with the kids and think of a charity to support, to teach them to share our joy and good fortune!

Mishteh - Feast

The final Purim tradition is mishteh, feasting.  Many families have a festive meal on Purim day, gathering with friends to celebrate.  After the meal can be a time for kids to enjoy their costumes and just play with friends.  Guests might share jokes or even put together a Purim spiel.  

It doesn't have to come up with small children, but Purim celebrations have traditionally involved drinking as a part of the holiday fun.  As kids get older and might learn about the tradition or become otherwise aware of alcohol, this can be an opportunity to teach them about your take on alcohol, when and how to drink responsibly.  

Creative Opportunities

Costumes 

You can definitely dress up for Purim without making it a big project.  Buying or borrowing a costume works great.  On the other hand, it can be lots of fun to make or gather and repurpose Purim costumes.  And creative costumes always stand out.  I'll admit I half dread hearing what the kids have in mind for costumes, but I always enjoy the process of pulling something together and seeing them transformed.  As they get older they're getting to be able to help with details and ideas of their own, too!  I'm not super crafty, but luckily, costumes only have to hold up to a few wearings and often can be held together with very minimal sewing or sometimes even Scotch tape and staples.   As a kid I remember wearing a lot of costumes made of cardboard boxes, sandwich-board style.  Just remember, if you go that route, to work in a way to sit down if necessary.  

Baking Hamentashen

Last week, a friend told me she had asked her mother how she had managed to bake so many hamentashen with her and her siblings when they were kids.  She was frustrated trying to get it done with just one.  Her mother confided that most of the baking was done after bedtime, leaving the kids with a fun low-pressure project, the feeling of accomplishment and a memory of a very patient, fun mom.  

Baking with kids can be super fun, but it takes way longer and requires a sort of zen attitude.  Think ahead about what the goal is, what the kids can help with, and when you'll call it quits.  This year, I made the dough in advance and let the kids help.  When I want to do something myself, I tell them, "this part's super hard.  I'll probably mess it up.  So I'm gonna do it so I don't get mad at you for doing it wrong."  Then they can laugh when I spill a little instead of me pulling my hair out when they pour out so much that we have to start over.  I'll probably make the filling one night while they're asleep - poppy seed is my favorite, but I'll make some fruit too.  Then they can help with putting them together until they get bored or we run out of time and I can finish up after bed.  

Here's a great shortcut I learned from my mom.   Frozen pie crust makes great hamentash dough.  Just let it defrost, roll out the edges a bit with a rolling pin, and you're ready to cut your circles.  My mom would make some of the filling when I was a kid, but for some of them, we used jelly right out of the jar.  And, voila! - Complicated baking project simplified down to fun kids' activity!  She probably still fixed them and finished them when I wasn't looking.

For a  little out of the ordinary fun check out these Rainbow Hamentashen.

And while you're baking, some people have a tradition of making different shaped challah for Purim.  Scroll down to see some examples of challah shaped like flowers.   Take a look at this recipe for Hamentashen Chalah.  And did you know there's a tradition to bake bread with hard boiled eggs representing Haman's eyes just so that you can take them out?  

Mishloach Manot

Kids can help with sorting goodies into bags or baskets, writing notes to friends to go along with the treats, drawing a picture to include, and even helping deliver them.  

Making Graggers

There are many ways to make a gragger.  You can start with a paper plate, fold it in half and fill it with beans or buttons, then staple it shut.  Or cover a box of macaroni with paper.  Fill a bottle with beans, pebbles, etc, and cover the outside with tissue paper.  Kids can get creative and decorate the outside of any of these kinds of graggers with crayons, markers or paint.  And if you make it yourself, you can decide just how noisy you want it to be.  

Purim Music

There are lots of fun Purim songs out there.  You can hear some of them, sung by my lovely and talented husband, Cantor Ken Richmond, here.

How does your family celebrate Purim?  Have a great costume idea, a favorite hamentashen recipe or the perfect gragger?  Comment below!  

Happy Purim!

Tu BiShvat - A Short and Sweet Post to Celebrate the New Year for Fruit Trees

Tu BiShvat is coming - the birthday of the trees.  Tu Bishvat is an easy one to miss.  It's a newer holiday than most.  It doesn't come with special prayers or days off school and work, and it only lasts one day.  And as some of my students pointed out, why do the trees have a birthday, anyway?  Were they all born on Tu BiShvat?

But even though its easy to overlook, Tu BiShvat can be a sweet (pun intended) holiday, if you take the time to notice it.  There's fruit and grape juice and a celebration of Israel that has more to do with appreciating the bounty of the land than commemorating a military victory or escape from danger.  There's a moment for appreciating the blessings of creation in the middle of winter when we might be naturally more inclined to hibernate and kvetch about the cold wet weather.  And there's a call to consider our role as human beings in the natural world.  So, here's the Tu BiShvat installment of Yom Tov @ Your House.  Leave a comment with any other great traditions you have or, if you try something new, to let me know how it goes.

What is Tu BiShvat?  And why do the trees need a birthday anyway?

Here's the quick version of the long history of Tu Bishvat:

• First - The Torah includes various laws about how we should harvest trees and fruit in Israel.  Things like tithing for the poor and for the priestly class that has no land of their own.  Things like bringing a portion of your harvest to Jerusalem to thank God and celebrate with community.  And things like letting the land rest every seven years.  Since these laws operate on a yearly cycle, its important to determine when that cycle begins and ends.  It's like a fiscal year for farmers.
• We don't know for sure how this worked in the biblical period, but eventually the rabbis came up with more laws to clarify the ones in the Torah, and Tu BiShvat was established as the new year for trees.  It seems like a weird time, in the middle of winter, but in Israel, it's the point when the majority of the rain for the winter has already fallen and the first trees (the almonds) are starting to flower.
• These laws became mostly irrelevant for a long time while the Jews were in exile and didn't live in Israel.  
• Tu BiShvat got a new life when a group of Kabbalists, mystical leaning rabbis, in Tzfat in the 16th century created a Tu BiShvat Seder.  They saw three different kinds of fruit as metaphors for worlds of closeness with God.  Over the course of the seder, they imagined a spiritual journey through these worlds, to the final world, a world so spiritual there was no need for actual physical fruit.  We use their seder as a model for Tu BiShvat celebrations today, but outside of their circle, at the time, it didn't really catch on as a part of mainstream Judaism
• Skip ahead a few hundred years to the modern state of Israel, and here's where Tu BiShvat starts to really take off.  Jews developing the land of Israel had a real stake in growing trees, and fruit.  They were developing a new agricultural society in the old Jewish homeland, and Tu BiShvat really resonated.  It became a time to plant trees, and to celebrate the seven species mentioned in the Torah that grow so well in Israel: wheat, barley, grapes, figs, pomegranates, olives, and dates, as well as some others that have become popular, like the early flowering almond and bokser, carob which grows as a sort of edible pod on trees that grow well in Israel.  New Tu BiShvat seders celebrated the success of making the desert bloom
• A few decades later, while many Jews were still celebrating Tu BiShvat as a modern Israeli agricultural holiday, the environmentalist movement emerged, bringing interest from a new group of jewish people, and adding yet another layer to this evolving holiday.  Tu Bishvat also became a Jewish earth day - a time to reflect on the wonder of God's created world and our responsibility to preserve it.  
• Tu BiShvat celebrations today usually focus on one or both of the last two elemets, the state of Israel, and the environment.  

What can I do at home to celebrate with my family?

Have a Family Seder 

You can have a seder for your family.  It can be short and simple, like a special desert with a little food for thought.  All you'll need is some grape juice, both red and white, some fruit or nuts with inedible shells or peels, some with a single hard pit, and some that's good all the way through.  Here's one simple seder from the Grinspoon Foundation.  You can find a few different versions of environmental themed ones at the Canfei Nesharim website.  And this one from Hazon is very nice.

Talk with your kids about an environmental cause you care about

Use this holiday as a reminder to teach your kids about what you believe and what you care about.  Think of ways to start involving them in the causes you support.

Plant Something

It may be too cold to plant a tree here, but it's probably not too cold to start something growing inside.  I must admit, I don't have a great personal record on indoor gardening, but lots of people have better luck than I do.  Here's an article on how to grow parsley in your window.  If you start it now, it could just be ready to put on your seder plate for Passover.

Eat a Different Fruit

Maybe you don't feel like holding a whole seder with your family.  Even adding one fruit, something you wouldn't normally eat this time of year, can be a reminder of the holiday, and a jumping off point for a conversation about the environment, Israel or the changing seasons.  You could choose a fruit that grows in Israel and notice how different things grow there than here.  Or choose something that's out of season and figure out what it might have taken to get it from where it grew to your plate.

Do a Tu BiShvat Craft Project

There are so many great projects you could do wuith trees and flowers.  For a few great ideas check out Creative Jewish Mom.

Happy Tu BiShvat!

Tu BiShvat is this Wednesday night and Thursday.  How will you celebrate this year?

Sukkot - Simply Living it Up

Yom Kippur isn't here yet, but still I feel like this Sukkot post should really have come out a while back.  Sukkot is known as זמן שמחתינו, z'man simchateinu, the time of our joy.  It is largely about appreciating the simple blessings in our lives - things like having shelter from the elements, food to eat, water to drink and to help our food grow, and community to share our joy with.  That said, it can take quite a bit of fore-thought and preparation to be ready for a traditional Sukkot.  If you haven't built a sukkah or had your own lulav and etrog set before, you might decide that you'd rather try some of the ideas below next year.  But as always, there will be some ideas that will work for anyone, both traditional and innovative.  So, read on, and find what will work for your family this year.

The Basics

Meals on Sukkot are traditionally eaten in the sukkah, if possible.  But even though that's the most distinctive ritual element that happens at home, it hardly seems "basic".  So let's start with some lower-hanging fruit (pardon the pun) in the category of traditional holiday observance.

הדלקת נרות - Hadlakat Neirot - Lighting Candles

The first two nights of Sukkot are considered yom-tov, a full holiday, and we light candles and eat special meals.  Whether you have a sukkah or not, I'd recommend lighting candles in the house.  Outside, the wind tends to blow them out.  As on other holidays, candle-lighting time is 18 minutes before sunset, but you can start the holiday early if you're ready, and light before dinner.  The blessing should look familiar if you've read the last couple of posts.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָה ה' אֶ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָנוּ לְהַדְלִיק נֵר שֶׁל יוֹם טוֹב

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu l'hadlik ner shel yom tov 

Blessed are You, Adonai, our God, Ruler of all, who makes us holy with commandments and teaches us to light the holiday lights. 

On the first night, many people continue with Shehecheyau:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהֱחִיָּנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶּה

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, shehecheyanu v'kiyemanu, v'higianu lazman hazeh.

Blessed are you, Adonai our God, Ruler of All, who has kept us alive and sustained us and brought us to this day.

Traditionally, after lighting candles the first night, no fires can be lit or intentionally put out, as would be the case on Shabbat.  But on yom-tov, unlike Shabbat, one traditionally is allowed to add to or transfer a flame.  So, candle-lighting on the second day, is done by transferring a flame from a long-burning candle lit before the holiday begins to the special holiday candles, then making the blessing.  

If you're going to be outside for your meals around dusk, you could also use your long burning candle to light a citronella candle to keep mosquitos away.   

קִידוּש - Kiddush - Blessing the Wine

Like most Jewish celebrations the Sukkot table ritual includes wine with the traditional blessing:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּּה ה' אֶ-ֹלהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְִּרי הַגָּפֶן 

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, Borei pri hagafen 

Blessed are you, Adonai, our God, Ruler of all, who creates the fruit of the vine 

This could be just the right amount for your family, or you could do the whole traditional Kiddush. At dinner time it starts with the line above and continues like this:

ּבָּרוּךְ אַתָּּה ה' אֶ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר בָּחַר-בָּנוּ מִכָּל-עָם וְרוֹמְמָנוּ מִכָּל-לָשוֹן, וְקִדְשָׁנוּ בּמִצְוֹתָיו. וַתִּּתֶּּן-לָנוּ ה' אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ בְּאַהֲבָה אֶת-יוֹם חַג הַסֻּכּוֹת הַזֶה, זְמַן שִׂמְחָתֵנוּ מִקְרָא קֹדֶשׁ, זֵכֶר לִיצִיאַת מִצְרָיִם, כִּי בָנוּ בָחַרְתָּ וְאוֹתָנוּ קִדַשְׁתָּ מִכָּל-הָעַמִים וּמועֲדֵי קָדְשֶׁךָ בְּשִׂמְחָה וּבְשָׂשׂוֹן הִנְחַלְתָּנוּ  בָּרוּךְ אַתָה ה', מְקַדֵשׁ יִשְׂרָאֵל וְהַזְּמַנִּים.‏‎

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, asher bachar-banu mikol-am v'romemanu mikol-lashon, v'kidshanu b'mitzvotav. Vatiten lanu Adonai Eloheinu b'ahavah et-yom chag hasukkot hazeh, z'man simchateinu mikra kodesh, zecher litziat mitzrayim, ki vanu vacharta v'otanu kidashta mikol-ha'amim u-mo'adei kodshecha b'simchah uv'sason hinchaltanu. Baruch ata Adonai,  m'kadesh yisrael v'haz'manim.

Blessed are you, Adonai our God, Ruler of all, who chose and distinguished us among all the nations, and makes us holy through God's commandments. Lovingly grant us, Adonai our God, this Sukkot holiday, the time of our rejoicing, for holy gathering and remembering our leaving Egypt. You have chosen us and sanctified us among all the nations, and you gave us your holy holidays with joy and happiness. Blessed are you, Adonai, who makes Israel and the holidays holy.

At lunch time, the longer version of Kiddush goes like this:

וַיְדַבֵּר מֹשֶׁה אֶת מוֹעֲדֵי ה' אֶל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל

Vay'daber Mosheh et mo'adei Adonai el b'nei yisrael

Moses declared the sacred times of God to the people of Israel

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּּה ה' אֶ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְִּרי הַגָּפֶן 

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, Borei pri hagafen 

Blessed are you, Adonai, our God, Ruler of all, who creates the fruit of the vine 

If you're lucky enough to be eating your festive meal in a sukkah, you'll probably want to add on the blessing for dwelling in the sukkah at the end of kiddush.  It goes like this:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱ-להֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם אֲשֶׁר קִדְּשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָּנוּ לֵישֵׁב בַּסֻּכָּה

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu leysheiv basukah

Blessed are You, Adonai, our God, Ruler of all, who makes us holy with commandments and teaches us to dwell in the sukkah. 

At the end of kiddush on the first night and day of sukkot, like many other festive occasions, it's traditional to add the Shehecheyanu blessing, used for new things and reaching special occasions.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהֱחִיָּנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶּה

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, shehecheyanu v'kiyemanu, v'higianu lazman hazeh.

Blessed are you, Adonai our God, Ruler of All, who has kept us alive and sustained us and brought us to this day.

As always, you can find my family's tradition for singing it (our own folk variant of the tune composed by Meyer Machtenberg) on this page here listed as "Shehecheyanu - fancy".

הַמוֹצִיא - Hamotzi - Blessing the Challah

We often think of the High Holy Days as just Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, but even though we say the books are sealed on Yom Kippur, there is a tradition that says there's still a chance to finish the process of teshuvah until the end of Sukkot.  All through Sukkot, we pray for plentiful rains in the coming year and so, the fate of our prosperity isn't really considered decided until this holiday is over.  Therefore, many High Holy Day customs linger on.  Many people continue to bake or buy and serve round challah on Sukkot, and, my favorite, to dip it in honey, rather than the salt we use the rest of the year.  As always, the blessing over the challah is:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, הַמוֹצִיא לֶחֶם מִן הָאָרֶץ

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, hamotzi lechem min ha'aretz.

Blessed are you, Adonai our God, Ruler of All, who brings forth bread from the earth.

Festive Meal

And now, we eat.  Your meal can, of course, be whatever you want it to be.  This year, in keeping with the themes of simple pleasures and the end of the summer harvest season, and because I'm not too keen on cooking elaborate meals at nine months pregnant, I'm feeling like barbecue is the way to go for Sukkot meals.  Hot dogs, hamburgers, barbecued chicken, simply cooked vegetables, fresh local corn, all seem like simple, easy, and definitely joyful ways to celebrate the season.  Other years, when I've felt more ambitions, or more excited about cooking, I've taken real joy in cooking up more complicated fare, often using some of the vegetables accumulated from particularly productive seasons at our beloved CSA, Silverwood Organic Farm in Sherborn.  Another one of last year's favorites was this recipe for apricot meatballs shared by the awesome folks at Grow and Behold.

Dwelling in the Sukkah

I grew up building a sukkah every year.  It was one of those things I looked forward to doing as a family.  I'd watch my dad figure out how it was put together the previous year, which parts were broken and needed to be replaced and how to get it put together that year with the least possible number of trips to the hardware store.  I'd help my dad as much as he let me, then decorate with my mom.  For me, the year I spent in New York City, where there wasn't room for a personal sukkah, felt kind of strange.  But if you've never built a sukkah before, it can seem like a pretty big daunting task.  Even if you have built one before, it can seem overwhelming.  So let's spend a few minutes thinking about the different ways that you could participate in the mitzvah of dwelling in the sukkah, from building from scratch, to scoring an invitation, to starting with something more creative and less labor intensive.

Building a Sukkah

It may be a bit late in the game to start thinking about building a sukkah, but there's still time if you're ready to put in the effort.  There are lots of ways to build a kosher sukkah.  The basic requirements are that it is a non-permanent structure, has at least two-and-a-half walls, (made of any kind of material that is sturdy enough not to be blown off in the wind - actually one of the walls can be the wall of your house if that works best for you), is big enough for at least one person to sit in, and has a roof made of natural plant material that covers most of the area of the sukkah, but still allows you to see stars through it.

Starting from Scratch

If mechanics, design and engineering are your thing, you could totally build one from scratch.  Popular materials for the structure are wood, PVC pipes, or strong metal pipes.  Walls are often made of tarps, or sometimes thin plywood, though in Israel, cloth or burlap is popular.  In our climate, water-proof camping tarps tend to do a better job of protecting from the elements.  If you have tree branches to cut, you can use these for s'chach, the roof.  Some people use corn stalks.  Or you can buy bamboo mats of various sizes specially designed for the sukkah.

Buying a Kit

There are many kinds of kits available for building a sukkah, at a range of price points and ease of use.  Locally, the Israel Book Shop in Brookline stocks some sukkah kits.  There are lots of places online to buy a pre-fab sukkah too.  Just search for "Sukkah kit" and you'll find plenty of options.
One interesting one - The Sukkah Project - offers a low-cost kit with metal connectors and instructions.  You buy lumber locally, and finish putting it together yourself.  You can buy wall and s'chach materials from them or use something else.  They also have somewhat more expensive stainless steel tubular sets that include everything you need.
Short on space or time, check out the pop-up-sukkah, a little bit silly, and could be a tight squeeze, but it looks really easy!

Going Creative 

Let's say you're thinking about building a sukkah, but you're not quite ready to put in the time, the money, or the energy it takes this year to go all out.  If you want to get a feel for the tradition this year, why not try something creative.  

Maybe you have a large camping tent with a mesh roof and a tarp cover.  It's not technically a kosher sukkah, but it could be really fun, and in the spirit of the holiday to set up your tent in your back yard or on your deck, leave off the solid roof and eat a meal inside, out in the fresh air, with a view of the sky. 

Or maybe this year you want to celebrate the holiday by eating meals outside on your deck as much as possible even without a structure with walls and a roof.  If it goes well, and your family has a good time, you can feel better about investing in a more formal sukkah another year.

If you choose to go the creative route, you can use some of the decorating suggestions below to make your make-shift sukkah feel more like it fits the holiday.   

Dwelling in Someone Else's Sukkah

If you don't build your own, you could still have the experience of eating in a sukkah.  One of the themes of sukkot is הכנסת אורחים, hachnasat orchim, welcoming guests.  It's a great time to get together with friends and spend time as a community.  Find out who among your friends has a sukkah, and see if you can have a meal with them sometime during the holiday.  Or, if you don't know anyone who has a sukkah, why not plan with some friends to attend a sukkah event at a local synagogue?  Most synagogues will have a few events planned during the week, probably at least one meant to accommodate families with children.

Decorating the Sukkah

Whether you're building your own sukkah, doing something creative with your outdoor space, or planning to spend some time in a friend's or in a communal sukkah, creating Sukkot decorations is something that kids can really get into.  I have fond childhood memories of creating paper chains, stringing popcorn and cranberries on a needle and thread, and tying up fruit, both real and imitation, and colorful "Indian corn".  These days our decorations include strings of lights in various shapes and colors, pumpkins and gourds.  There are no hard and fast rules about decorating the sukkah, so whatever you think of is great.  Anything festive, or with a harvest theme is appropriate.  Here are few things I've learned over the years about decorating a sukkah that I'm happy to pass on:

1. Paper chains, and paper decorations of all kinds, are beautiful until it rains.  Many of the same things can be made out of craft foam, and will last through the holiday, and possibly for years to come.  Flat paper projects can be protected with saran wrap or ziplock bags if you think the artists will be upset to see them destroyed.  Or you could revel in the impermanence of it all and just let nature take its course.
2. One tradition we haven't done yet, but I've seen in friends' sukkot and really like is hanging Rosh Hashanah greeting cards as decoration.  It looks really festive and helps keep friends and family in mind as you celebrate.  
3. Real fruit and vegetables feel very real and authentic, and look beautiful, but they can also attract bugs and squirrels.  Use them at your own discretion, and at your own risk.
4. Just because fruits and vegetables are fake doesn't mean nobody will try to eat them.  We've had some pretty gullible squirrels in our neighborhood take good chunks out of styrofoam produce.  Also, rubber grapes are, for some reason, often easy to detach from their stems, so if they're hung within reach of toddlers, there is a strong possibility that they'll end up in their mouths.  
5. Make sure any chains of lights you use are rated for outdoor use.  :)

Hachnasat Orchim - Welcoming Guests

Another theme of Sukkot is welcoming guests.  If you're lucky enough to have a sukkah, it's a great time to reach out to friends, or to potential new friends in your community, and invite them to share a meal.  It's part of the joy of taking pleasure in the simple things to be able to invite people into your makeshift, open-air hut to share a meal.  I love having guests in the sukkah, and if I really think about it, part of it is because some of the pressure is off.  If the house isn't immaculate, so be it.  We're out enjoying the fresh air.  

It's also traditional to symbolically invite in seven heroes of Jewish History on each night of the holiday.  These honored guests, are called ushpizin, an Aramaic word for guests.  They are Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Moses, Aaron, and David.  They're all invited each night, but each one has a night when he's especially invited.  There is a new tradition of inviting seven heroines of Jewish history as well, Sarah, Miriam Deborah, Avigail, Hannah, Huldah, and Esther.  There are no doubt other creative versions of the ushpizin out there that people have created to reflect what they care about.  

Why not use the tradition of ushpizin as an opportunity to start a discussion?  Try asking: If you could invite anyone, dead or alive, to share a meal in your sukkah, who would it be?  

Lulav and Etrog

Aside from building a sukkah, the other major mitzvah of Sukkot is to gather four kinds of plants and shake them together in every direction.  When we talk about the plants together, they're called a lulav and etrog set.  Actually the lulav refers to a palm branch, just one of three stalks we bind together.  The other two are the myrtle - hadas, and willow - aravah.  The last piece of the puzzle is the etrog - the citron.  While the ritual of waving plants around in a circle can feel odd or awkward when you first start it, it's just this kind of physical, active mitzvah that kids are really good at getting into.  

Waving the lulav and etrog in every direction is a ritual that acknowledges God's presence all around us, expresses our gratefulness for the simple blessings in our lives, and reminds us of our dependence on the rains that help each of these species of plant to grow and become as beautiful as they are.  

You can share with your kids, or have them share with you, if they've learned in class and remember, the midrashim, rabbinic explanations, of the significance of the four plants.  One gloss sees the four species of plants as representing four kinds of people.  The lulav which has a nice taste (dates) but no smell, represents a person who is knowledgeable in Torah.  The myrtle, with a nice smell but no taste, represents a person who does good deeds.  The etrog, which has both a nice smell and a nice taste, is like the person who both knows a lot and does good deeds, and the willow, with neither taste nor smell, is like a person who lacks both knowledge and good deeds (but presumably has some other good qualities).  Taking them all together acknowledges that we need all kinds of people with all kinds of strengths in our communities.  

Another gloss on the text sees each plant as a part of the body.  The lulav as the spine, reminds us to be upstanding.  The etrog, as the heart, the willow, as the lips, and the myrtle as the eye, each remind us to use that part of the body to do mitzvot and make the world a better place.  

It's traditional for each person, or each family, to have their own lulav and etrog set, and to wave it during morning services each day of Sukkot, especially the first day.  They're also part of a lulav and etrog parade, called hoshanot, each morning of Sukkot, which asks God to send enough rain in the coming year.  Shaking the lulav and etrog at synagogue is a beautiful custom, and one that I've come to really enjoy.  But when I was a kid, we weren't always the kind of family that got to synagogue every day of Sukkot.  And shaking the lulav became part of our ritual at home.  We'd shake it in the sukkah at meal times.  Everyone got a turn to say the blessings and shake it.

The ritual for shaking the lulav goes like this.  Hold the lulav in the right hand, with the leaves pointing up.  Hold the etrog next to it in the left hand with the pitom, the weird-looking knob at the top, pointing down and say:

 בָּרוּךְ אַתָה ה' אֶ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָנוּ עַל נְטִילַת לוּלָב

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu al netilat lulav

Blessed are You, Adonai, our God, Ruler of all, who makes us holy with commandments and teaches to shake the lulav.

The first time you shake the lulav each year, continue with Shehecheyau:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהֱחִיָּנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶּה

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, shehecheyanu v'kiyemanu, v'higianu lazman hazeh.

Blessed are you, Adonai our God, Ruler of All, who has kept us alive and sustained us and brought us to this day.

Then, turn the etrog so the pitom is facing up and shake (three times in each direction according to popular custom) first forward, then right, then backwards, then left, then up and finally down.  

Here's a link to my lovely and talented husband, Cantor Ken Richmond, singing a cute song to remind you of the order of the directions.

If you do have a lulav and etrog set for yourself that you plan to use at services, it could be a good idea to have something for your kids to use too.  You can find nice plush sets at Judaica stores, like Shuki's.  Or you could get creative, and make a set with your kids - maybe a paper mache etrog, with a lulav made of green construction paper sticking out of a paper towel roll.  Or try a celery-stalk lulav and lemon etrog.  

Really Living in the Sukkah

There's a lot that you can do to celebrate Sukkot, and all sorts of details to get caught up in.  So, I just want to take a moment to turn our attention back to the core of what we're doing with these temporary huts in the back yards of our warm comfy homes.  The mitzvah to live in a sukkah is, on one level, about remembering the tents our ancestors lived in as they traveled through the desert on the way from Egypt to the Promised Land.  They were simple, but enough, and a symbol of freedom.  The mitzvah of living in the sukkah is also about joy.  We're supposed to be in there as much as possible, as long as it brings us joy.  This is the completion of the High Holy Day season, and the end of the summer harvest season all rolled into one.  Presumably, we've gathered a good yield of crops, atoned for any mistakes we've made over the past year, and been granted another year of health, growth, and prosperity.  There's a lot to celebrate.  

So, beyond just eating in the sukkah, whatever else we do out there should be a reflection of what we enjoy.  

My husband is a big proponent of sleeping in the sukkah.  I have to admit, sometimes I totally get what he means about being out in the fresh air, enjoying the last of the pretty good weather.  Other times, I'd really prefer my comfortable bed, and tell him he's welcome to sleep out there if he wants, and by all means take the kids, and I'll see him in the morning.  

Some of my fondest childhood memories are of sitting wrapped in a sweater, my winter coat and maybe a blanket or two, out in the sukkah after dinner, it seemed like it must have been late into the night, singing.  My dad would pull out the 1950's era Camp Ramah songbook or whatever books of Israeli songs he could find, and sing, and sing.  I learned a lot of songs that way, but when I think back, what I really took away from it was a sense that there was time to just sit and sing for pleasure, to enjoy life.  It's something I value much more, now that I find myself so often rushing to fit everything in.  

I feel like one of the core mitzvot of Sukkot is really to give yourself permission to sit out in the sukkah doing something with family that's just about enjoying the moment.  So, maybe singing is your thing, and maybe it's not.  Maybe if you had all the time in the world, you'd make up fantastic stories and tell them to your kids.  Do that in your sukkah, or your tent, or out on your deck, or make time to do it wherever you are on Sukkot.  Or maybe it's something else.  My point is, to live in the sukkah could mean making sure you take the time to do something that makes you think "this is the life!"

Sukkot is so full of possibilities, I'm sure there's more to say.  If you've got something I've left out, please comment.  I'd love to hear!

Chag Sameach!

Rav Shira

Yom Kippur - Awe man!

Yom Kippur is coming and there's not a lot to do at home - no festive meal, no fun family ritual, barely even any songs to sing.  Traditionally, this is the day to spend all day at synagogue in reflective prayer.  Of course we all know, depending on how old your kids are, just because you're fasting doesn't necessarily mean you get a day free of distraction, where you can meditate on how you have lived your life in the past year.  But taking care of your children's very real needs doesn't need to totally supersede your Yom Kippur experience.  Here are some thoughts on how to experience this potentially challenging day as a family.

The Basics
So, without a festive meal, a table ritual, or any other specific home activities, what is there to do?

The meal before Yom Kippur

The meal we eat before Yom Kippur begins isn't exactly part of the holiday, but it is a piece of how we observe it.  You might point out, or give your kids a chance to notice, that there is no wine and no Kiddush blessing.  This is a big meal, one carefully planned, so that it leaves you full in a lasting kind of way, not too thirsty and well-hydrated.   You could discuss with your kids how we prepare for a difficult task, and how to fortify yourself for a day of fasting, as they'll do when they're old enough.  

הדלקת נרות - Hadlakat Neirot - Lighting Candles

The one ritual element that does happen at home on Yom Kippur - or technically just before Yom Kippur starts - is candle lighting.  Candle lighting happens after the meal, before you leave for services (if you're not staying home putting kids to bed).  Lighting candles initiates the holiday and marks the time when the fast begins.  The blessing is the same as for other holidays:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָה ה' אֶ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָנוּ לְהַדְלִיק נֵר שֶׁל יוֹם טוֹב

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu l'hadlik ner shel yom tov 

Blessed are You, Adonai, our God, Ruler of all, who makes us holy with commandments and teaches us to light the holiday lights. 

יאָרצײַט - Yortzeit - Memorial Candles

Yom Kippur is one of the holidays when it's traditional to light a memorial candle for a close relative (parent, sibling, child, or spouse) who has passed away.  These candles burn for 24 hours and are lit just before the holiday candles.  If you light yortzeit candles, or if you spend the holiday with someone who does (my parents stay with us for Yom Kippur, so the kids see yortzeit candles on the counter in our house), this could be an opportunity to talk with your kids about people who you remember fondly and are missing around the holiday season.  You might notice that one of the candles is for someone whom one of your kids is named after, and talk about who great-grandpa so-and-so was and how you hope your child will grow up to be like him.  After all, so much of the high holy day season is about connecting to our tradition and thinking about who we hope to become in the coming year.  

Breaking the Fast 

Yom Kippur ends after sundown, when there are three stars in the sky (about 7:40 this year in our area), with another meal at home, not exactly part of the holiday, but also not totally separate from it.  Many families make a special meal for the break-fast or go to a break-fast with friends or family.  The meal is usually dairy, often bagels and cream cheese, sometimes with lox, maybe a kugel, or quiche, tuna or egg salad.  To me, the meal doesn't feel complete without my mother's deviled eggs, though that's probably just me.  When I was a kid, we used to have those deviled eggs along with potatoes and sour cream.
Whatever foods you use to break the fast, it can be another memorable moment to experience with your kids.  It's an opportunity to point out how grateful you are for this particular meal.  Notice how hungry you are.  Even if your kids aren't feeling it themselves, watching you experience the holiday can be a powerful experience.  If you're not in the habit of making blessings at every meal, this could be a moment to let your kids see you get the year off to a good start by thanking God for the blessing of having enough to eat.


What else is there to do with kids?
Beyond beginning and ending Yom Kippur in the traditional way, what else can you do to make the holiday meaningful for your kids and feel like you're observing the holiday too?

Fasting for Beginners

Discuss with your kids in advance why adults are fasting, why kids aren't, and what they could do to participate in this part of the ritual in a safe and healthy way.  

Why kids aren't fasting is the simple part of the discussion.  There are a few reasons you could explain to the kids about why adults are.  Here are two:

So we can concentrate on other things

Normally, we're busy thinking about the practical, day-to-day details of our lives - things like: what's for breakfast, what's for lunch, what's for dinner?  A fast day, with no eating, and no need to prepare meals, gives us a chance to think about other things, to pray, and to decide how we want to grow and change in the coming year.  Maybe your kids can help keep the food preparation to a minimum by deciding together in advance what they can eat when they need to, and if they're old enough, choosing things that are pre-prepared or that they can take for themselves.  

Because we don't need it - practicing self denial

Another reason for fasting on Yom Kippur is that we can live without food for one day.  When the Torah tells us about Yom Kippur, it instructs us to practice self-denial.  This is a great opportunity to discuss with your kids the distinction between things we need and things we want.  Of course we need to eat, but for adults, it's a healthy practice every once in a while to notice that we could eat tomorrow instead of today.  For everyone, there are foods that we really want, but actually don't need.  

Try talking to your kids about using will-power, or "practicing saying no to yourself" about food choices, at whatever level they're ready for.  Maybe it's no dessert after dinner the evening Yom Kippur begins.  Maybe it's no treats between meals during the day.  As they get older, maybe it's skipping breakfast or lunch.  Maybe it's eating simpler things - leaving the butter or jelly off the bread, choosing water instead of juice or soda, or plain milk instead of chocolate.  If your kids do practice "saying no to themselves" in some way during the day on Yom Kippur, make sure there's something they really want to look forward to at the break-fast.

Getting Dressed

There are a few traditional changes in the way we dress on Yom Kippur.  Many people wear white.  White is symbolic of the purity we strive for on the High Holy Days.  Wherever you and your kids will be, you can try to incorporate white into your or their clothing.  

It is also traditional to avoid wearing leather on Yom Kippur.  Why?  Partly because leather is a luxurious kind of item.  Just like we don't need to eat for one day, and we probably don't need to eat as extravagantly as we do most days, we also don't need to wear leather.  You could also see not wearing leather as an act of compassion for the animals the leather is derived from.  For one day, we are not so presumptuous as to use the skin of another living being for our own comfort and pleasure.  If you decide to avoid wearing leather, it probably means choosing a different pair of shoes than you'd be inclined to wear on the holiest day of the year.  Here's another opening for a discussion with your kids about how it feels to be wearing their crocs (or whatever else they have that isn't leather) with their best white dress or shirt.  How important is it to look dressed up?  How important is it to feel humble?  Why do we dress up, and why is it appropriate?  

Bring a Little Bit of the Yom Kippur Service Home 

On Yom Kippur afternoon services, after the Torah reading, the Haftarah, the reading from the prophets, is the book of Jonah.  If you're home with your kids, sometime during the day, you could read or tell the story of Jonah.  G-dCast has a fun, kid-friendly version of the Jonah story on their website at http://www.g-dcast.com/yomkippur.  For younger kids, I really like the book Oh No, Jonah!  You can find other versions online or in a Tanach, a full Jewish Bible.  Here's a translation of the original from Chabad.org.  

Some questions to discuss: Why did Jonah run away?  What do you think you would have done if you were him?  Why didn't God destroy Nineveh in the end?  Was Jonah right to be upset?  What have we run away from this year that we really should face?

If your kids are on the younger side, try my English adaptation of the Ashamnu confessional prayer.  (Words are below.  Or you can hear my lovely and talented husband, Cantor Ken Richmond, sing it here - click on track number 6. We Were Angry)  If they're older, and my examples don't quite fit, why not have them help you think of a mistake for each letter of the alphabet that members of your family have made this past year, and that you'll hopefully do a better job avoiding next year.  

Kids' Confession Song
Ay ay-ay ay ay, ay-ay-ay ay ay ay, ay-ay-ay ay ay ay

We were angry,
we behaved badly,
we were cranky,
we dawdled,

Ay ay-ay ay ay ...

we exaggerated,
we fussed,
we grabbed,
we hit,
we ignored,
we jumped on the bed,

Ay ay-ay ay ay ...

we kvetched,
we lied,
we moped,
we called names,
we overreacted,

Ay ay-ay ay ay ...

we pushed,
we quarreled,
we ran away,
we didn't share,
we threw tantrums,
we upset others,

Ay ay-ay ay ay ...

we were very whiny,
we exploded,
we yelled,
we zoned out.

Ay ay-ay ay ay ...

Attending Services

Yom Kippur is a day traditionally spent at synagogue.  A whole day may be a lot for your kids, but finding out when the children's services happen could give them the experience of having the holiday in community and could give you a chance to go to part of the service on your own and experience the holiday on a grown-up level.  Think about spending some time together in the main service before or after so your kids have a chance to see what it's all about and you have a chance to be in that space together.  

The Final Shofar Blast

Even in you're not able to stay at synagogue with your kids all day, you could think about going back for the very end.  Hearing the shofar as the day comes to a close is a dramatic and memorable moment, and Havdalah, the ceremony marking the end of the day, is sweet and often has beautiful, accessible music.  

When I lead children's services for preschool and kindergarten age kids, one of the activities we do is the "Feed the Hungry (grown-up) Snack Bag."  As the kids have a snack for themselves, I ask them to think of a grown-up they care about who's not eating today, and make them a snack to deliver as soon as the shofar is blown, or as soon as the fast is over if they've gone home already.  If your kids don't come to my service, and you're home with them in the middle of the day, this could be a nice way to prepare for the final shofar blast.  Let them gather some things that would be easy to pack in a small bag for the hungry grown-ups in their lives.  (Our bags usually have raisins, veggie straws, pretzels and a juice box.)  Talk about how lucky we are that being hungry is an unusual thing.  Think about how on other days we can feed people who are really hungry because they don't have enough food to eat.   Many synagogues have a pre-Yom Kippur food drive that you can participate in by bringing a non-perishable item to Kol Nidrei services.  And food banks are always open and accepting donations.  

I hope you've found something you'd like to try in the suggestions here.  Yom Kippur is a hard one, but it's never too early to start getting a taste (no pun intended) for the holidays, even the serious ones.  If you've got a great idea I didn't mention, please post it in the comments!
And, once Yom Kippur is over, Sukkot is just around the corner, with lots of fun ways to celebrate with the family!  After all, it's the holiday of happiness.  It doesn't get much better than that!  It's not too early to start thinking about how you'll celebrate Sukkot with your family this year, with new traditions, twists on the familiar, and creative ideas.  Hopefully the Sukkot post will come out later this week, to help you start getting ready even before Yom Kippur.
Gmar Chatimah Tovah! - Wishing you a good end of the High Holy Day season,
Rav Shira

Rosh Hashanah - A new year begins

This year, as the school year starts, Rosh Hashanah is almost already here, and I'm feeling a bit conflicted.   On the one hand it feels like a very busy September, with so much to do, and the seemingly impossible task of establishing a routine just as the routine is being broken up by holiday celebrations.   On the other hand, it feels appropriate for the school year to begin right along with the Jewish new year.   The questions raised by the holiday feel particularly timely.  What will be carried forward from last year and what will change?  Who will each of our children be and become in this coming year?  What will we resolve to cultivate in ourselves and our families, and what will we try to leave behind?

At its core Rosh Hashanah is about reflection on the past year, hoping for and wishing each other the best in the coming year, and choosing to do what we can to make it so, even as we acknowledge that it's not entirely in our hands, that we will have to work with what the year brings.

How can you use Rosh Hashanah @ your house as an opportunity for your family to reflect, resolve, dream and celebrate? As always on this blog, what follows is a list of suggestions of traditions and ideas you might want to bring into your family celebrations. It's not all or nothing, and depending on the ages and personalities of everyone involved, sometimes less is more. And even though you may choose to skip some of the ideas in an earlier section, you might still find something useful for your family further down the page.

The Basics

On Rosh Hashanah it's traditional to have a festive meal - in Hebrew a סְעוּדָה se'udah - with wine (or grape juice for the kids), round challah, apples and honey, and other holiday dishes. You can make a meal for just your family or invite friends and extended family to join you. Here you have the traditional table ritual with the order, the blessings and symbolism, and where you could cut it down if you need to move things along.

הדלקת נרות - Hadlakat Neirot - Lighting Candles

Rosh Hashanah, like most Jewish holidays begins with candle lighting. Candle lighting can happen 18 minutes before sunset, or just before dinner. The blessing is almost the same as for Shabbat.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָה ה' אֶ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר קִדְשָׁנוּ בְּמִצְוֹתָיו וְצִוָנוּ לְהַדְלִיק נֵר שֶׁל יוֹם טוֹב

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu l'hadlik ner shel yom tov 

Blessed are You, Adonai, our God, Ruler of all, who makes us holy with commandments and teaches us to light the holiday lights. 

Since it's a special occasion many people continue with Shehecheyau:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהֱחִיָּנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶּה

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, shehecheyanu v'kiyemanu, v'higianu lazman hazeh.

Blessed are you, Adonai our God, Ruler of All, who has kept us alive and sustained us and brought us to this day.

קִידוּש - Kiddush - Blessing the Wine

Almost all Jewish celebrations include wine and the blessing always includes the line:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּּה ה' אֶ-ֹלהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְִּרי הַגָּפֶן 

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, Borei pri hagafen 

Blessed are you, Adonai, our God, Ruler of all, who creates the fruit of the vine 

This could be just the right amount for your family, or you could do the whole traditional Kiddush. At dinner time it starts with the line above and continues like this:

ּבָּרוּךְ אַתָּּה ה' אֶ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, אֲשֶׁר בָּחַר-בָּנוּ מִכָּל-עָם וְרוֹמְמָנוּ מִכָּל-לָשוֹן, וְקִדְשָׁנוּ בּמִצְוֹתָיו. וַתִּּתֶּּן-לָנוּ ה' אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ בְּאַהֲבָה אֶת-יוֹם הַזִכָּרוֹן הַזֶה, יוֹם-תְּרוּעָה מִקְרָא קֹדֶשׁ, זֵכֶר לִיצִיאַת מִצְרָיִם, כִּי בָנוּ בָחַרְתָּ וְאוֹתָנוּ קִדַשְׁתָּ מִכָּל-הָעַמִים וּדְבָרְךָ אֱמֶת וְקַיָם לָעַד. בָּרוּךְ אַתָה ה', מֶלֶך עַל כָּל-הָאָרֶץ מְקַדֵשׁ יִשְׂרָאֵל וְיוֹם הַזִכָּרוֹן.‏‎

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, asher bachar-banu mikol-am v'romemanu mikol-lashon, v'kidshanu b'mitzvotav. Vatiten lanu Adonai Eloheinu b'ahavah et-yom hazikaron hazeh, yom-truah mikra kodesh, zecher litziat mitzrayim, ki vanu vacharta v'otanu kidashta mikol-ha'amim ud'varcha emet v'kayam la'ad. Baruch ata Adonai, melech al kol-ha'aretz m'kadesh yisrael v'yom hazikaron.

Blessed are you, Adonai our God, Ruler of all, who chose and distinguished us among all the nations, and makes us holy through God's commandments. Lovingly grant us, Adonai our God, this day of remembrance, a day of shofar blasts, for holy gathering and remembering our leaving Egypt. You have chosen us and sanctified us among all the nations, and your word is true and everlasting. Blessed are you, Adonai, Ruler of all the earth, who makes Israel and this day of remembrance holy.

At lunch time, the longer version of Kiddush goes like this:

וַיְדַבֵּר מֹשֶׁה אֶת מוֹעֲדֵי ה' אֶל בְּנֵי יִשְׂרָאֵל

תִּקְעוּ בַחֹדֶשׁ שׁוֹפָר בַּכֶּסֶה לְיוֹם חַגֵנוּ. כִּי חֹק לְיִשְׂרָאֵל הוּא מִשְפָט לֵא-לֹהֵי יַעֲקֹב

Vay'daber Mosheh et moadei Adonai el b'nei yisrael

Tiku vachodesh Shofar b'keseh l'yom chagenu. Ki chok l'yisrael hu mishpat lelohei ya'akov.

Moses declared the sacred times of God to the people of Israel

Sound the shofar on the new moon of our feast day, for it is a law for Israel, a decree by the God of Jacob

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּּה ה' אֶ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְִּרי הַגָּפֶן 

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, Borei pri hagafen 

Blessed are you, Adonai, our God, Ruler of all, who creates the fruit of the vine 

At the end of kiddush for Rosh Hashana, like many other festive occasions it's traditional to add the Shehecheyanu blessing, used for new things and reaching special occasions.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, שֶׁהֱחִיָּנוּ וְקִיְּמָנוּ וְהִגִיעָנוּ לַזְּמַן הַזֶּה

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, shehecheyanu v'kiyemanu, v'higianu lazman hazeh.

Blessed are you, Adonai our God, Ruler of All, who has kept us alive and sustained us and brought us to this day.

In my family we really get into singing shehecheyanu. There's a recording of the tune we use on this page here listed as "Shehecheyanu - fancy".

הַמוֹצִיא - Hamotzi - Blessing the Challah

Rosh Hashanah challah is traditionally round to symbolize the cycle of the year and new beginnings. Usually when we eat challah, we sprinkle it or dip it in salt, but on Rosh Hashanah, and for many families, all the way from Rosh Hashanah through the end of Sukkot, it's traditional to dip in or drizzle with honey, for a sweet new year. Raisin challah is also particularly appropriate for Rosh Hashanah, because it is sweet. The blessing over the challah is the same as always:

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, הַמוֹצִיא לֶחֶם מִן הָאָרֶץ

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, hamotzi lechem min ha'aretz.

Blessed are you, Adonai our God, Ruler of All, who brings forth bread from the earth.

Apples with Honey - תפוחים ודבש - Tapuchim Ud'vash

Maybe the best known tradition, and the one kids look forward to most is dipping apples in honey. Apples remind us of the season, and are round like the cycle of the year. The honey helps us wish for a sweet new year. Traditionally we say the blessing over the apple first, then the hope for a sweet new year.

בָּרוּךְ אַתָּה ה' אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ מֶלֶךְ הָעוֹלָם, בּוֹרֵא פְּרִי הָעֵץ

Baruch ata Adonai Eloheinu Melech Ha-olam, borei pri ha'etz.

Blessed are you, Adonai our God, Ruler of All, creator of the fruit of the tree.

יְהִי רָצוֹן מִלְפָנֶיךָ, ה' אֱ-לֹהֵינוּ וַאלֹהֵי אֲבוֹתֵינוּ, שֶׁתְּחַדֵשׁ עָלֵינוּ שָׁנָה טוֹבָה וּמְתוּקָה

Yehi Ratzon milfanecha, Adonai Eloheinu vElohei avoteinu, shet'chadesh aleinu shanah tovah umetukah.

May it be your will, Adonai our God and God of our ancestors, that we have a good and sweet new year

Festive Meal

There you have it!  All you need next is some yummy food for your meal. Though by this point, the kids may have filled up on grape juice, challah, apples and honey. For your meal, you can go traditional with Chicken soup, gefilte fish, roast chicken or brisket, kugel and vegetables. But there's no rule that you have to eat all these things, or that you have to make way too much food, or exhaust yourself cooking before the holiday even starts. The meal can be whatever feels special to you.

Adding More to your Meal Time

If you've already been doing a lot the above for a while, and you're ready to think about adding some other traditions to your meal, here are a few nice things you could do.

New Fruit

There is a tradition to eat some sort of new fruit on the second day of Rosh Hashanah. It's partly about the theme of new things and new beginnings, but it's also because it feels a bit strange to say Shehecheyanu for the new experience on day two when we just did the same thing the day before. Some families try to find a fruit or vegetable they've never tried before. You can also choose something that you haven't eaten yet this year.

Symbolic foods

Beyond round challah, apples and honey, Rosh Hashanah has a host of foods that are traditional for one reason or another. I'll list some of them below, but I'm sure I'll miss some. Let me know in the comments if I left your favorite out or if you have a different explanation.

Pomegranate

Pomegranate is full of seeds. Acording to Jewish tradition it has the same number of seeds as mitzvot in the Torah, 613. Eating pomegranate is like promising to do our best to do as many mitzvot as we can this year. It's also a symbol of fertility and helps us wish for a fruitful and prosperous year, in which all of what we plant, literally and symbolically, bears fruit.

Carrots

The tradition of eating carrots comes from a Yiddish pun. Carrots in Yiddish are מערן, meren, which sounds like the word for more, מער, mer. When we eat carrots on Rosh Hashanah, we hope for a year where we will have more, do more, be more, than in the previous year. I grew up looking forward to Rosh Hashanah carrot salad with shredded carrots, oranges and pineapple.

Beets

The tradition of eating beets dates back to the Talmud, when in Aramaic, beets were called סלקא, silka, which also means to remove. Eating beets expressed the hope that the enemies of the Jews would be removed. We can think about what we'd like to remove from our lives and our characters as we move into the new year. Beet in modern Hebrew is סלק, selek.

Leeks

Like beets, leeks are also mentioned in the Talmud, where they are called כרתי, karti. This word sounds like כרת, kareit - to cut off - and went with the hope that our enemies be cut off.

Gourds / Pumpkin

In the Talmud, gourds are called קרא, kra, which sound like the Hebrew word for both tear and call out. Eating squash or pumpkin is like asking that any bad judgments against us are torn up, and that God calls out and proclaims a good new year.

Fish Head

I don't know anyone who actually eats fish heads these days, though they used to be considered a delicacy and an honor. The tradition of eating a fish head, or placing one on the table expresses the hope that we will be "like the head, and not like the tail".

Table Conversations

One final way to enhance your holiday meal is to ask your family to participate in some holiday themed discussions. Here are a few suggestions for ways to get the ball rolling. Please add your own in the comments section below.

1. Ask each person at the table to think of a new year resolution, one thing they'd like to do better this year. 
2. Ask everyone to give a new year blessing, hope, or wish for someone else at the table. 
3. Think of new year wishes and blessings your family would like to share with others who aren't with you, with your wider community or the world. 
4. Have each person share one thing in their lives that has changed in the last year, and one that they expect will change in the coming year. 

Creative Opportunities

New Year Cards

One nice tradition is to make and send cards wishing friends and family a sweet new year. Yours could include photographs, kids' drawings, apple prints, or really anything you want. You could have family members create cards for each other, or to send to extended family and friends. Some families have the tradition of saving and hanging their Rosh Hashana Cards as decorations in their Sukkah.

Baking Challah

I love baking challah with my kids. I wish I made time to do it more often. It should probably be one of my New Year resolutions to do so. Rosh Hashanah is a great time to give it a try. Round challot are easier to form than braided ones. You can make them as a simple coil, or weave them into a very impressive braided look with a relatively simple pattern. Here's one video that shows how to do it.

Decorating the Table

You can get your kids involved with decorating the table. You might choose a white or mostly white tablecloth, since white is the symbolic color of the High Holy Days. If you have multiple challah covers in your collection, you and/or your kids could choose one that feels right for the holiday. If you don't, why not make one together? You can start with a white cloth napkin or another piece of cloth and decorate with fabric markers or paints, making pictures of holiday symbols like challah, apples and honey, and shofar. If you want you can add the words Rosh Hashanah, רֹאשׁ הַשָׁנָה.

Make a Shofar

Have your kids make their own shofar out of a whistle or kazoo, and paper, cardboard or toilet paper rolls. Here's one example of how it could be done. They can decorate with crayons or markers, and then practice the shofar calls.
The different kinds of blasts are:

Tekiah: one long blast
Shevarim: Three shorter blasts, all together about as long as a Tekiah
Truah: Nine very short blasts
Tekiah Gedolah: One super long blast

If your kids are older and play a brass instrument (such as trumpet or trombone), you could temporarily turn their mouthpiece into a shofar and let them practice shofar blasts on it. Or even buy a family shofar (they come in different shapes, sizes, and price points), and learn to blow it. The sound is produced just like a brass instrument, by buzzing the lips together.

Family Opportunities Outside your House

This blog is called Yom Tov @ Your House, but I'd feel like I was missing something if I didn't mention a few things you might do as a family that require leaving the house. Of course there's going to your synagogue or temple. Check out what options there are for kids. Many have young family services that may be designed just for your child's age. Plus there are few other things you could do if you venture out.

Tashlich

The tradition of tashlich, symbolically throwing our sins into the water as breadcrumbs, is one that kids can relate to and get excited about. Whether you go with an organized group from your synagogue or on your own as a family, the key to doing tashlich is finding a body of moving water (anything from a trickle of a stream to the Atlantic Ocean), thinking about what you want to throw away this year, and encouraging your kids to think about the same, and throwing bread crumbs into the water with the intention of getting a new start. 

There's an opportunity here to talk with your kids about knowing the difference between things that can be made better by just deciding not to do them again, and things that we need to make better by apologizing to other people who we hurt, making up, and deciding not to make the same mistake again.

Tzedakah

In the liturgy of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kipur, we talk about being judged for all of our deeds in the past year, and our fate in the coming year being determined based on that judgement. Now, theologically, this isn't really my favorite way of understanding the world. I doubt that most of us believe things really work this way on a small scale. But I do think it's worthwhile entertaining the metaphor once a year, and thinking about how our actions have affected those around us and how they make a difference, for good or bad, in the world.   On a grand scale, the way we behave as a community and society certainly does affect the world around us, at times with long-reaching consequences. 

Connected with this liturgy is the idea that תשובה ותפילה וצדקה מעבירין את רעה הגזירה, Teshuva, tefilah, utzedakah ma'avirin et roah hagzeirah - repentance, prayer and tzedakah avert the bad decree.

According to our prayers, we have a chance to make things better at this time of year, through three mitzvot. Teshuvah, saying sorry, resolving to be better, gets talked about a lot. Tefilah, prayer, happens primarily at services, though it can also happen on your own. But Tzedakah is one opportunity we have as families to think of others at this time that we often reserve for introspection. So, think with your family about something you'd like to support or something you care about that can be part of your holiday observance, whether by donating money or things or setting a time to volunteer.

Nature Walk

Some families I know set aside time on Rosh Hashanah to take a walk in nature and appreciate the beauty of the world. Rosh Hashanah is known as the birthday of the world and considered the anniversary of when creation was completed. Taking a walk with family, pointing out the wonder and the beauty we so often take for granted, is another kind of Rosh Hashanah spiritual practice.

I hope some of these ideas and resources are helpful as you plan this year's holiday celebrations for your family. Please share your own traditions, both old and new, in the comments below. Wishing you a Shanah Tovah U'metukah, a good and sweet new year from my family to yours.